Worry is often linked to feeling out of control of something.  It is a fear that something "horrible" will happen and we will have no control to stop it.  I often call it living in "what if land." We ponder; "What if I lose my job," "what if my son gets in a car accident," "What if the dog throws up on the carpet," "What if I don't like my new job."

Many worriers have trouble falling asleep.  It can take an experienced worrier hours to fall asleep sometimes.  Often, a worrier will be awakened at 3 am stare at the clock helplessly while the redundant list of worries cycle through; 3:00 am, 3:15 am, 3:45 am, 4:30 am.  Sometimes even though we know worry doesn't help anything we still do it.  It just is a hard habit to stop.  

A well known sleep specialist described the worry box as a method to combat nighttime obsessions.  I have been pleasantly surprised by how well it works for my clients. 

Materials needed:

• A small note card box
• note cards
• a pen
• worries

Instructions:

• Write your worries on each note card.
• Place cards in the box.
• If desired, alphabetize or organize by category (Family, finances, etc...)
• Close box.
• Open box 1x per day to worry deliberately for 10 to 15 minutes.
• Close box to send a message to yourself that your worry time is over.
• If you start to worry remind yourself that it is not your designated "time" to worry.
• Repeat daily. 

You can decorate your box, put a lock on your box, or use it also as a prayer box if so desired.  The idea is that your brain no longer has to obsess about your worries because they are written down and kept in a secure place.  You can remove, or move irrelevant worries to the back of the box and see how things change.  When your box is closed you are not allowed to worry until your next designated "worry time." 

Often this simple technique helps the brain to relax and the worries to subside.  This will free up time for more enjoyable activities and thoughts. 

Go ahead, give it a try.  If you do, let me know how it helped.

Blessings, and happy sleeping!

Gretchen

To resolve or not to resolve...that is the question.  

There are a bazillion different things we all could resolve to do or not do in 2011. There is the classic resolve to lose weight and exercise more.  However, as I contemplate my potential resolutions I recognize that unfortunately, that one is always on my list anyway.  I infrequently make much of a dent in it.  I exercise in spurts and eat better in stages.  I could also resolve to be more disciplined, but that again is always something I’m more worried about then actually implementing.  It's a kind of constant struggle.

How about resolving to get more organized?  Again, that one is a challenge that always stays on my plate.  I used to be able to multi-task like a champion weight lifter adds weights to his bar and stands victoriously while others watch in awe.  Now, I struggle to stay focused on one task at a time before I have forgotten what I set out to do, and then am off onto another random task (maybe I should review the symptoms of adult ADD because I seem to have all of them).

How about resolving to learn more, or read more, or focus on more honorable goals.  Maybe I should set out to be better at something specific.  Are you trying to be better at something?  Are you trying to be more disciplined?  Do you hope to lose those 20 pounds?  (I think I have lost the same set of pounds over and over). 

Resolve to do less:

Here's the twist.  Having been an over achiever before...and, as a result, I desire to resolve to do less.  To be less productive in some areas so I can be more focused on others.  I assume you too work hard and you feel pretty overwhelmed with life much of the time.  I assume that means that adding a lot of items to your to do list in 2011 makes you feel pretty overwhelmed.  Usually a wave of optimism is followed by recognition that it is just a lot to ask of yourself and the initial enthusiasm wanes quickly.

I challenge you to consider what you might give up this year.  What might you try to do less of?  What can you eliminate from your harried schedule?  Is there anything you can do to help keep you more focused on what is truly important? 

I want to focus in on some things that bring me joy like reading.  I love to read!  Love, love, love to read.  Kids, and work, and housework make it tough for me to find time for my favorite pastime.  I may consider being a less effective housekeeper so I can enjoy a book or two.  Maybe I will go to bed a little earlier so I can read before I fall asleep.  Maybe that means something extra won’t get done...I resolve to do less. 

As you consider your new years resolutions, think not just about what is important TO DO, but what is important NOT TO DO.  Let the word of the year be focus and when extra things pull you away from your focus, say no to it.  Maybe it should be called a “focus list” instead.  I resolve not to get caught up in a big list of resolutions but to focus on simplifying, so what I do spend time on gets my quality attention. 

What is on your focus list? 

Best wishes to you as you contemplate the new year and what to focus on less...so what you do spend time on is meaningful and productive.

Feel free to comment on this post.  I read all comments.  Happy New Year! 

Blessings,

Gretchen

If you open this gift your life will be changed forever and you will never be the same.  God will love you unconditionally and you will begin a relationship with your creator filled with love and acceptance.  Don’t miss this chance to pull open the ribbons, tear open the wrapping paper and open your personal gift of grace.  You’ll never regret it!

God is love.

Have a very Merry Christmas!

Gretchen

But the angel said to them, "Do not be afraid.  I bring you good news of great joy for all people. Today in the town of David a Savior has been born to you; he is the Messiah, the Lord.  This will be a sign to you: You will find a baby wrapped in cloths and lying in a manger."  Luke 2:10-13

"My grace is sufficient for you." 2 Corinthians 12: 9a

It is also common to feel grief at the loss of a loved one.  If a beloved family member has died the Christmas festivities just bring up a new wave of sadness and missing the person we loved.  Newly divorced men and women have to figure out how to spend the holiday time remembering last year they were an intact family.  Possibly friends have been lost, loyalties have shifted and the holidays make you feel hurt all over again. 

How do we get past all of the family stress to enjoy some of the Joy of Christmas?  First of all we need to realize the holiday is not really for us.  It is a celebration of Jesus’ birth to save us from our sins and to heal our hurts.  It is an act of worship to lovingly put up the lights and play the Christmas music.  If we remember that the true joy of Christmas is that we have been given the biggest second chance ever considered fathomable, then it is a time for joy.  A sense of relief comes when we realize with all of our imperfections that we are loved dearly by the King of Kings who came as a babe to demonstrate the unconditional love of the Father. 

Family issues aside, we are loved and that is worthy of celebration! 


Finances - In a down economy many of us are wary of any spending during the holidays.  Around 14 years ago I used to keep a tight budget writing down every penny I would spend on my paper ledger before bed.  However, when the holidays came up I would stop.  I would intentionally go into a bubble of denial for about two months and then start tracking my spending again sometime in February.   I had no idea how much I was spending because Christmas was supposed to be big. 

In my family growing up it was always big.   Oodles and oodles of presents would just keep coming.  My family liked to spend so I tried to keep up but realistically on my budget I couldn’t keep up so it went on the credit cards.  There was an unspoken rule that you had to buy several nice and special gifts for each person in the family.  Now I am married, have kids and have two, well three, sides of the family to buy for plus kids.  We can no longer be in denial about what we have to spend and we DO NOT use credit cards anymore.   As a family we sit down and decide what we can realistically spend and then we go out with our calculator and keep track.  

It is important to realize that shopping on a budget can be fun...it can almost be a game to see how many great deals you can find.  Many of you shop on Black Friday to bring cost down but I personally find it too stressful and shut down like a deer in headlights when stores are that busy with crazed shoppers trying to find the best deals.  We have found that Ross, TJ Max, and other stores always run discounts and if you are willing to look thoroughly you can find some great gifts.  

Keep in mind that Christmas is a special time but it is not an excuse to be excessive and irresponsible with finances.  I read recently that bank robberies go up before the holidays probably due to pressure to provide gifts.  Now, most of you won't go that far but if you can’t do much this year then admit it and be creative.   It is not worth it to strain your finances to keep everyone else happy.  Sometimes it is okay to admit that you have to hold back.  If family members are disappointed then let it go.  Remember what the holiday really is about and stay focused on the relationships that are important to you.  Make cookies and hot cocoa, and enjoy the worshipful music that fills the airways every year, go sledding or do something fun. 

Truthfully, some stress is unavoidable but if you can keep perspective then it can be a whole lot easier.  Three F's can also keep us on track:

Flexibility - Be flexible with scheduling.  If you need to change plans last minute then roll with it.  If something needs to change or not be included in the holiday repertoire then let it go!  Sometimes it is not worth the stress to try to do it all perfectly.

Focus - Focus on what is important.  Relationships are important but having the perfect dinner is not. If you ruin the potatoes, laugh it off and set them aside.  If you forgot to buy bows, leave them off this year.  Bows aren't important...love and laughter is.  Focus on what is important and let the little details go. 

Fun - If you aren't having any fun and the people around you are miserable because you are demanding perfection then something is off.  Don't forget to have fun, relax and laugh a little! 

I pray you have a wonderful holiday season and a very Merry Christmas!

In him-Gretchen

A limit is an invisible line that exists between emotional, physical, and psychological well being and becoming anxious, irritable and stressed.  Once you have crossed the line it is important to pull yourself in quickly by slowing down, implementing self care, and getting rest. 

There was a time in my life I had no perception of a limit.  I had no awareness that one should exist and I lived past my limits all of the time.  I thought I was just driven and “hard working.”  My need to please others, to work hard, and be involved was tremendous.  I thought I was doing what I was supposed to do, and I had an insatiable need to do because I lacked the self esteem to understand that my worth was not linked to how well I did things.  I would push and push.  I pushed myself all of the time, and the funny thing is, when people find out you are a hard worker, something else happens...you get asked to do more things.  Then I found that the pressure also came from others that were expecting me to do for them.  I was programed to feel that nothing was ever good enough so I would strive and strive to perfect things. 

My burnout was actually a gift.  It was a gift that helped me to understand what a limit is and how to enforce it.  I learned that you can’t expect anyone else to enforce it for you.  You have to first respect yourself and your well being enough to be determined to honor your own limits.  I went over them this past week and the result was not pretty.  I don’t  even like being around myself when I am in that place.   Fortunately, last week was an exception and there were parts that were out of my control.   I’ll get back on track and be determined to take better care of myself this week.  That should be easy since I am on vacation.  What are your limits?  How can you honor your limits this week?  

I welcome your comments. 

Depression brings up a lot of questions:

How do you know if you are depressed? 
How do you know if a loved one is depressed? 
If you are depressed, what should you do about it? 
Why can’t people just snap out of it?
What is the difference in depression in men versus depression in women?  Why do men commit 80% of the suicides committed each year? 
How do you help someone who is severely depressed? 


Some statistics:

Mood Disorders (National Institute of Mental Health Statistics)
Mood disorders include major depressive disorder, dysthymic disorder, and bipolar disorder.

Approximately 20.9 million American adults, or about 9.5 percent of the U.S. population age 18 and older in a given year, have a mood disorder.

The median age of onset is age 30.

Depressive disorders often co-occur with anxiety disorders and substance abuse.

Major Depressive Disorder
Major Depressive Disorder is the leading cause of disability in the U.S. for ages 15-44.

Major depressive disorder affects approximately 14.8 million American adults, or about 6.7 percent of the U.S. population age 18 and older in a given year.

Major depressive disorder is more prevalent in women than in men. (although some say depressed women are in treatment and many depressed men are in jail).

Dysthymic Disorder
Symptoms of dysthymic disorder (chronic, mild depression) must persist for at least two years in adults (one year in children) to meet criteria for the diagnosis.

Dysthymic disorder affects approximately 1.5 percent of the U.S. population age 18 and older in a given year.

This figure translates to about 3.3 million American adults.

Bipolar Disorder
Bipolar disorder affects approximately 5.7 million American adults, or about 2.6 percent of the U.S. population age 18 and older in a given year.

Suicide
In 2006, 33,300 (approximately 11 per 100,000) people died by suicide in the U.S.

More than 90 percent of people who kill themselves have a diagnosable mental disorder, most commonly a depressive disorder or a substance abuse disorder.

The highest suicide rates in the U.S. are found in white men over age 85.9

Four times as many men as women die by suicide; however, women attempt suicide two to three times as often as men.

Where Does Depression Come From?

Depression can come along for a variety of reasons.   When someone grew up in a controlling or abusive home a child will feel a sense of helplessness to change their circumstances.  That child will grow up and be pre-disposed to depression due to an ingrained belief that their circumstances are hopeless and they are powerless to change it.  Then, a series of unfortunate circumstances will affect their sense of well-being.  The person may be convinced that they are always going to be a victim of life’s cruelty. 

The hallmark characteristics of depression is a sense of hopelessness or helplessness.  Events such as going through a divorce, losing a home to foreclosure, losing a child, learning a spouse has had an affair, getting laid off from work, are just a few of the circumstances that can lead to or increase feelings of hopelessness and despair. 

Sometimes the feelings of despair are so strong a person can feel convinced that the pain will never end.  Often, due to learned helplessness in childhood, due to abuse or neglect, a person will lack some of the skills needed to weather the storms. 

In helping a person with depression, infusing hope into their lives and building a sense of resiliency will help them get to the other side.  Helping someone recognize that their feelings are normal based on what they are experiencing is helpful.  Many feel isolated and that they are an abnormality.  Because they feel their pain is abnormal they won’t reach out for help. 

Dysfunctional families operate with “family secrets” that no one talks about.  The individual learns that talking about the pain is not acceptable and the isolation increases the depression.  The smiling depressed is a phenomenon of someone who feels they need to maintain a certain public image.  The false image of being okay on the outside keeps the person from attaining the help they need. 

A depressed person left alone with their negative thoughts is a combination for deepening depression and suicide.  Suicide is an attempt to end the suffering.

Clinical Depression Symptoms (From the The DSM IV): 
5 of the symptoms over the course of two weeks or more

1. Depressed mood (e.g. feels sad or empty)
2. Diminished interest in activities once enjoyed
3. Weight loss or weight gain
4. Insomnia or hyper-somnia (sleep too much)
5. Slowed body movements
6. Feelings of worthlessness, hopelessness or helplessness and/or excessive guilt
7. Diminished ability to concentrate, indecisiveness
8. Fatigue or loss of energy (simple tasks become difficult)
9. Thoughts of death or suicide (mild and fleeting to severe with a plan)                   

Chemical Imbalance in Depression:

• Reduced availability of neurotransmitters like Serotonin, Dopamine, Norepinephrine, GABA and Acetylcholine.
• Increased levels of toxic neurochemicals such as Homocysteine
• Lower levels of serum Magnesium, Zinc or Potassium
• Unhealthy, or deficient levels of essential vitamins like B6, B9, B12 and Vitamin-C
• Undersupply of key cofactors like amino acids that are used to help transport neurotransmitter precursors into the blood-brain barrier.
• Increased cortisol stress hormone levels

Specific Symptoms Men Experience:

1. Irritability
2. Anger
3. Aggression or rages
4. Substance Abuse
5. Risk-taking (gambling, reckless driving, sexual liaisons)
6. Withdrawal (“I don’t want to talk about it” or “I just want to get away”)
7. Reduced libido
8. loss of interest in previously enjoyed activities
9. Thoughts of suicide (Men tend to follow through more quickly than women)
10. Escapist behavior such as working too much, or watching lots of TV
11. Body aches and pain

Suicide:

Around 32,000 suicides occur each year and men complete 80% of the suicides.  The reason men commit most of the suicides is that men are more likely to use lethal means such as firearms or jumping out of buildings.  Men are less likely to talk about it with anyone beforehand, and tend to decisively act on thoughts quicker than women do.  A woman told me about the time her dad walked past her in the front yard and said “I’ll be right back.” and then shot himself at the park after getting laid off from his job. 

Women make more attempts and will try overdoses and slitting wrists more often.  Attempts are considered a “cry for help” and some will recover from their attempt and then get the help they need. 

Specific Symptoms Women Experience:

1. Difficulty caring for their children
2. Thoughts of harming their baby or child
3. Low Self-Esteem/ Worthlessness
4. Agitation or getting upset easily
5. Weepiness (Crying without knowing why).
6. Worsening symptoms during menstrual cycles (PMDD or Pre-Menstrual Dysphoric Disorder)
7. Body aches and pains

Social Pressures:

Men are much less likely to admit that they are depressed, most likely due to social pressures to be strong. Social pressures for men include being a provider, being strong, being a leader.  A man is likely to become depressed when he struggles to provide for his family or loses his home to foreclosure, for example.  Men identify with their career or employment and will be left reeling after a layoff.  I heard one story of a family man who went to a park and shot himself after he was laid off from work. 

Social pressures for women include the pressures of being a homemaker (a complex and multifaceted job), if women also have a career or job there is pressure to keep up with both and women often feel burdened by the two full time jobs (the second shift at home).  Women tend to take primary responsibility for the demands of caring for children or elderly parents. 

Both Women and men who have been sexually abused as a child are more susceptible to depression (girls are sexually abused 2-3x more often than boys).  Women also suffer depression after a miscarriage, infertility, or a pregnancy they weren’t ready for.  Post-part-um depression is very real and can be severe. With a first child, a women’s identity shifts and they go from being a career woman to a woman with a child who needs them around the clock. Hormones are out of balance after a pregnancy and mom’s are often sleep deprived. Power imbalances in the home can also lead to depression. 

A lack of social support increases the risk of suicide and is a hallmark component of depression.  Depressed people will tend to isolate themselves or lack the energy they need to get out around people.  If you notice someone is beginning to isolate after a loss, reaching out to them and encouraging getting out can help. 

A Manic Episode (Bi-polar Depression):

1. Decreased need for sleep (2-5 hours of sleep)
2. More talkative then usual with pressure to keep talking
3. Flight of ideas (thoughts racing) and/or grandiosity
4. Distractibility
5. Increase in goal directed activity
6. Excessive involvement in pleasurable activities that have a high risk potential (i.e.Spending sprees, foolish business investments).

Someone who has a bi-polar depression will swing back and forth between depression and a manic episode.  The mood swings can vary in intensity and length.

How to help a depressed person:

1. Infuse Hope
A depressed person feels hopeless.  Help them to see “the silver lining,” or the good in things around them, “It’s not all bad.”  Help them to see and focus on what is going well.  Rejoice in small accomplishments. 

2. Break the Isolation
Encourage being around people or reaching out for support.  Participation in activities, groups, church attendance, Celebrate Recovery, having coffee with a friend all apply. 

3. Provide Empathy
Be empathetic and try not to minimize their pain.  Just saying to them “look at the positive things” will increase a sense of isolation.  Any effort to look at the positive must include empathy and concern or it will seem disingenuous.  Statements that validate such as, “I know this is really difficult for you” will help.  Just listening and showing empathy can go a long way. 

4. Challenge Negative Self-Talk (Improve inner self worth)
Find out what they are thinking about themselves, such as “I’m stupid,” “I can’t do anything right,” “Nothing is ever going to change.” You might be surprised at how people abuse themselves in their thoughts.  Ask them to catch their negative thinking at replace the thought with something more balanced.  Some may even need to tell themselves opposing statements such as, “I’m not stupid.” to break the habit. 


5. Understand Grief and Anger
Often depression is grief stuck in a mud pit.  The person may have something to grieve but lack the understanding or time to process it.  The stages of grief are; denial, anger, bargaining, sadness, and acceptance.  Also, there may be anger or hurts that are unresolved as well.  Help the person through the process of forgiveness. 

6. Temporary State (many depressed people will recover eventually on their own).
Depressed people feel convinced it will never end.  It feels terrible and seems unbearable.  Suicidal thoughts are an effort to end the suffering.  People often think it is selfish but the person is convinced other people don’t care and won’t miss them when they are gone.  Sometimes they need to be shown the big picture and reminded that they do matter. 

7. Encourage Physical Exercise
Exercise can be a more effective anti-depressant than anti-depressant medications.  However, many depressed people can’t get themselves to go for a walk.  To be effective, exercise must be frequent and vigorous several times a week.  You have to start somewhere so encouraging a short walk is a starting point. 

8. Anti-depressants
Many people shy away from anti-depressants but they are a useful tool in the process of recovery.  Never ever tell a depressed person they shouldn’t be on their anti-depressants.  That could trigger a manic episode or a deepening depression. Often there is a significant shortage of important neurotransmitters in the brain, such as serotonin that need a boost (similar to a person with diabetes or a thyroid condition).  People are often afraid they will be on them forever, but I know of many cases where people improved their self care and worked through issues and were able to discontinue the medication successfully. 

9. Psychotherapy
Talk therapy can really help a person identify and overcome entrenched negative thinking.  Often it takes time to peel away the many layers and resolve old hurts.  Finding a therapist you can trust to talk openly to can be instrumental in overcoming depression. 

10. Hospitalization
If a person is severely depression and a risk to themselves or others then it is important to be in a hospital setting.  This setting will provide safety and rest.  A doctor will determine when the individual is safe to go home. 

11. Natural Supplements (for Mild depression)

• Sam-E and St. John’s Wort have anti-depressant properties
• Kava Kava and Valerian Root have relaxing properties 
• Melatonin is a natural sleep aide 
• Vitamin B complex vitamin
• Vitamin C
• A multivitamin
• Probiotics can help with absorption of nutrients

12. Diet
Foods rich in magnesium, Tryptophan (increases serotonin), Vitamins C, B complex, and minerals are important for recovery.  Omega 3 fatty acids (Fish oil or Flax seed oil) help the brain function at its best.  Most westerners are not getting enough.  Avoid simple sugars and simple carbohydrates (White breads, white rice etc...) Simple carbs will increase sluggishness and irritability.  Foods that can help treat depression: Oranges, red bell peppers, sweet potatoes, dried apricots, nuts, turkey (L-Triptophan increases serotonin), spinach and leafy green vegetables, Salmon and other fish, avocados. 

13. CBT  Cognitive Behavioral Therapy
Help person identify extreme thought patterns and modify them to be more balanced.  Challenge All or nothing thinking, Catastrophizing, Personalization.

14. Journaling
The $3.00 therapist.  Often when hurts and negative emotions are held inside the person becomes a type of pressure cooker without a proper vent.  Vents can be destructive behaviors such as alcohol abuse or spending too much. A healthy way to vent can be to write out all of your thoughts on paper.  It is private and no one is grading you.  Your handwriting can be sloppy and your thoughts random.  It can be a big relief to put it somewhere else besides deep inside.

15. Music
Music can be a soothing way to relax if you select calming music. 

16. Light Therapy
Studies show that using broad spectrum lighting or being outside in the sun can help alleviate depression.  Reveal lights have a broader spectrum than traditional bulbs.  Replace your old ones with Reveal lights.  Stronger bulbs can be purchased online. 

17. Massage
Massage can help to relax tension and get rid of toxins.  Be sure to drink lots of water before and after. 

18. Scripture
A person of faith can write out meaningful verses for memory and meditation on to assist in gaining perspective and a sense of hope.  I tell clients to find some verses that encourage them and write them on notecards and place on their mirror, by the kitchen sink, in their car. 


John 16:33
"I have told you these things, so that in me you may have peace. In this world you will have trouble. But take heart! I have overcome the world."

Deuteronomy 31:8
The LORD himself goes before you and will be with you; he will never leave you nor forsake you. Do not be afraid; do not be discouraged."

Psalm 46:1
God is our refuge and strength, an ever-present help in trouble.

2 Corinthians 12:10
That is why, for Christ's sake, I delight in weaknesses, in insults, in hardships, in persecutions, in difficulties. For when I am weak, then I am strong.

The National Suicide Hotline 1-800-SUICIDE (748-2433).

I hope some of this was helpful.  I welcome any comments and always read them. 

Blessings to you, 

Gretchen

Imbalance Causes Strain:

Balance is one of the biggest challenges in today’s society.  Striving for it is a challenge worth pursuing.  Imbalance comes when we spend too much time, effort, or thought on something that steals time away from other important things in our life.  When we are overly focused in one direction, other areas of our lives suffer.  Pressures to perform at work, our own perfectionism, demands from others can all create a lack of balance.  Imbalance in our lives can cause incredible strain.  It can also lead to burnout. 

Is there imbalance in your life?  Are you weighted too heavily in one direction or another?  If so, what can you do to change it? 

Ask Questions:

Start by asking a series of questions;  What is it that has fallen off the back of the truck while you have been so busy pursuing other goals?  What is it that you want to have back in your life?  What are the things that drain you?  What are the things that revive you?  Is where you are headed so important that you don’t have time to enjoy the simple pleasures of life?  How do you slow down enough to regain perspective on what truly is important and find the balance to maintain it?  

Follow Through on Change:

Once you have asked the questions needed to see what needs to change you need to change.  Asking the questions isn’t enough.  You must actively shift your priorities back to what is essential; time with family, time with friends, time with your spouse or your children.  Rest time is essential to recover from the burden of stressors in our day to day lives.   Rest can include sleep, relaxing, time doing something that you enjoy doing such as reading, fishing, calling a good friend. 

Why is this so important?  Because life can slip away when we are too busy chasing dreams.  Sometimes when my daughter looks at me with her large beautiful eyes and says, “Mom play with me,” I have to stop and consider what is most important at that moment.   Knowing she will soon be asking for the car keys instead of asking to play, I stop and get on the floor and play with the paper dolls for a moment and savor every moment of it.  Dishes may sit in the sink, work projects are calling my name, but I choose to let the world stop for a moment and savor a piece of heaven to bring the balance back.  What or who is it that you need to pay more attention to?  What do you need to pay less attention to in order to accomplish that. 

Stop for a minute and savor a moment of life.  Let the harried pace slow down and do the work to keep a balance in your life.  Perspective on what is truly important to you helps to focus your time.  Stop and consider what needs to change.  You will be happier and more fulfilled.