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Mental Health

My top 5 Tips to battle Depression

We all have our ups and downs.  When we get down it can feel pretty overwhelming and it can be a long battle to overcome what got you there.  Life beats us down, we neglect our health, we get tired...and depressed.  Here are a few tips to battle the blues:

1.  Probiotics-  Did you know that there is a connection between poor gut health and depression?  There are many ways to add probiotics to your diet; yogurt, Kefir (fermented yogurt drink), supplements.  Make sure your brand is high quality.  Not all brands are the same quality, you could be throwing your money out the window with no good health benefit.   For example, low fat yogurts with

by Gretchen Flores

To Use Insurance or Not to Use Insurance for Counseling?

When Seeking Counseling Should You Use Insurance? 

When I was first trained in counseling Managed Care was just starting out.  The Professors at my school were adamant against using insurance for clients.  They were afraid of confidentiality getting compromised and, as a result, urged students to tell clients to “self-pay” for counseling.  This would protect confidentiality, a hallmark of the trade.  They gave an example of someone running for public office who was denied the opportunity because they had been diagnosed with Adjustment Disorder in childhood.  

However,  I have found insurance to be very useful for clients and helps clients who need counseling gain access with a manageable co-pay for sessions.  Counseling can add up and is a significant investment in yourself.  People tend to minimize the importance of such an investment because it is often difficult to see tangible results without first giving it a try.  People are very private about counseling.  Unlike seeing a good haircut and asking “who is your hairstylist?,” people don’t usually say, “Wow, your attitude is so much better, who is your therapist?”  The word doesn’t get out about good therapy because most of us are very private about it.  

Insurances are getting better at recognizing the need for counseling and some plans have good coverage.   Other plans have poor coverage for counseling and limited choices in counselors.   A diagnosis does have to be made in order to use the insurance.  Most therapists try to

by Gretchen Flores

I Resolve NOT to Resolve

To resolve or not to resolve...that is the question.   


There are a bazillion different things we all could resolve to do or not do in 2011. There is the classic resolve to lose weight and exercise more.  However, as I contemplate my potential resolutions I recognize that unfortunately, that one is always on my list anyway.  I infrequently make much of a dent in it.  I exercise in spurts and eat better in stages.  I could also resolve to be more disciplined, but that again is always something I’m more worried about then actually implementing.  It's a kind of constant struggle. 

How about resolving to get more organized?  Again, that one is a challenge that always stays on my plate.  I used to be able to multi-task like a champion weight lifter adds weights to his bar and stands victoriously while others watch in awe.  Now, I struggle to stay focused on one task at a time before I have forgotten what I set out to do, and then am off onto another random task (maybe I should review the symptoms of adult ADD because I seem to have all of them).

How about resolving to learn more, or read more, or focus on more honorable goals.  Maybe I should set out to be better at something specific.  Are you trying to be better at something?  Are you trying to be more disciplined?  Do you hope to lose those 20 pounds?  (I think I have lost the same set of pounds over and over).  

Resolve to do less:

Here's the twist.  Having been an over achiever before...and, as a result, I desire to resolve to do less.  To be less productive in some areas so I can be more focused on others.  I assume you too work hard and you feel pretty overwhelmed with life much of the time.  I assume that means that adding a lot of 

by Gretchen Flores

Combating the Three F's of Holiday Stress

Holiday Anxiety;  How not to let the Holidays stress you out.

Holidays can be an anxious time.  For many it is a time filled with pressure to make it perfect and for others sad reminder of what is missing from your life.  Some will dread the holidays, others will use it as an escape.  Many of us love the holidays and want them to be ideal and we want to treasure the Joys of Christmas.    How do you keep the joy in Christmas when life can be so challenging sometimes?

Combating the Three F’s of Holiday Stress:

Frenetic Activity  - Most of us are already busy without the extra demands of holiday activities.  Once the holidays hit it becomes difficult to manage the pressures of extra parties, to do lists, shopping trips, card sending and home decorating.  We often kick into high gear and then droop with fatigue and then kick into high gear and then droop, and on the cycle goes. 

We started our Christmas shopping this year with our two little ones in tow and admit it was less than ideal.  Bribing them with a chance to purchase their own little $3.00 toy we bravely hit the stores.  Admittedly the kids were pretty good, but my 4 1/2 year old wanted to push the cart up and down all of the isles at TJ Max.  I tried to stay with her but soon realized she was never where I needed to be to find gifts, so I ventured out keeping a wary eye on her activities nearby.   Occasionally I would see her wiz by gleefully.  She nearly ran a store clerk over and she almost knocked some dishes on the floor before we decided maybe we had been in the store too long and it was time to try the next one.  

We came home fatigued ready for bed and ready to leave the dishes in the sink overnight so we could crash.  Sound familiar?  Maybe you don’t have the gleeful kiddos crashing into things but you certainly have the demands of extra holiday stress.  Be sure to simplify your schedule; eat out, get fast food, use paper plates, say no to some things, stuff a pile of unfolded laundry in the corner and pull out your clothes as needed.  sometimes it’s just not worth it to keep up the pace and do it all perfectly. 


Family -  The holidays are always a time for Christmas joy right?  Wrong.  Sometimes they are a time for grief, anger, or pressure to do things you don’t want to do.  Criticism from family members is a common problem many people face.  Families divided over past hurts have to face each other and decide whether or not to spend time together without bringing up the past.  Many of us feel anxiety about facing our family issues and are nervous about setting healthy boundaries.  

It is also common to feel grief at the loss of a loved one.  If a beloved family member has died the Christmas festivities just bring up a new wave of sadness and missing the person we loved.  Newly divorced men and women have to figure out how to spend the holiday time remembering last year they were an intact family.  Possibly friends have been lost, loyalties have shifted and the holidays make you feel hurt all over again. 

How do we get past all of the family stress to enjoy some of the Joy of Christmas?  First of all we need to realize the holiday is not really for us.  It is a celebration of Jesus’ birth to save us from our sins and to heal our hurts.  It is an act of worship to lovingly put up the lights and play the Christmas music.  If we remember that the true joy of Christmas is that we have been given the biggest second chance ever considered fathomable, then it is a time for joy.  A sense of relief comes when we realize with all of our imperfections that we are loved dearly by the King of Kings who came as a babe to demonstrate the unconditional love of the Father. 

Family issues aside, we are loved and that is worthy of celebration! 


Finances - In a down economy many of us are wary of any spending during the holidays.  Around 14 years ago I used to keep a tight budget writing down every penny I would spend on my paper ledger before bed.  However, when the holidays came up I would stop.  I would intentionally go into a bubble of denial for about two months and then start tracking my spending again sometime in February.   I had no idea how much I was spending because Christmas was supposed to be big. 

In my family growing up it was always big.   Oodles and oodles of presents would just keep coming.  My family liked to spend so I tried to keep up but realistically on my budget I couldn’t keep up so it went on the credit cards.  There was an unspoken rule that you had to buy several nice and special gifts for each person in the family.  Now I am married, have kids and have two, well three, sides of the family to buy for plus kids.  We can no longer be in denial about what we have to spend and we DO NOT use credit cards anymore.   As a family we sit down and decide what we can realistically spend and then we go out with our calculator and keep track.  

It is important to realize that shopping on a budget can be fun...it can almost be a game to see how many great deals you can find.  Many of you shop on Black Friday to bring cost down but I personally find it too stressful and shut down like a deer in headlights when stores are that busy with crazed shoppers trying to find the best deals.  We have found that Ross, TJ Max, and other stores always run discounts and if you are willing to look thoroughly you can find some great gifts.  

Keep in mind that Christmas is a special time but it is not an excuse to be excessive and irresponsible with finances.  I read recently that bank robberies go up before the holidays probably due to pressure to provide gifts.  Now, most of you won't go that far but if you can’t do much this year then admit it and be creative.   It is not worth it to strain your finances to keep everyone else happy.  Sometimes it is okay to admit that you have to hold back.  If family members are disappointed then let it go.  Remember what the holiday really is about and stay focused on the relationships that are important to you.  Make cookies and hot cocoa, and enjoy the worshipful music that fills the airways every year, go sledding or do something fun. 

Truthfully, some stress is unavoidable but if you can keep perspective then it can be a whole lot easier.  Three F's can also keep us on track:

Flexibility - Be flexible with scheduling.  If you need to change plans last minute then roll with it.  If something needs to change or not be included in the holiday repertoire then let it go!  Sometimes it is not worth the stress to try to do it all perfectly.

Focus - Focus on what is important.  Relationships are important but having the perfect dinner is not. If you ruin the potatoes, laugh it off and set them aside.  If you forgot to buy bows, leave them off this year.  Bows aren't important...love and laughter is.  Focus on what is important and let the little details go. 

Fun - If you aren't having any fun and the people around you are miserable because you are demanding perfection then something is off.  Don't forget to have fun, relax and laugh a little! 

 

I pray you have a wonderful holiday season and a very Merry Christmas!

 

In him-Gretchen

 

 

 

 

by Gretchen Flores

How to Find a Good Therapist

What Questions to Ask:

I am often surprised by the lack of questions asked by new clients.  I make it a point to offer a chance to ask me a few questions.  Most clients will say they don't have any, and want to know when can we start.   To be honest with you, I think that it is really important to ask a few good questions before you start with your therapist, even if they have been recommended to you. 

I have often wondered why prospective clients don't ask many questions.  Possibly it is difficult to know what to ask.  Or maybe there is a sense that the therapist is an authority figure and people feel disinclined to ask pertinent questions.  Possibly, there is an assumption that credentials automatically mean you know what you are doing.  Here are a few tips on what you might consider asking.

 

  • What theory or theories do you use?
  • What does that mean?
  • What training have you received?
  • How long have you been a therapist?
  • Do you receive supervision?
  • Do you consult with other therapists?
  • Are you licensed?
  • Are you working toward licensure?
  • Do you have any specialties?
  • Do you enjoy your work?
  • What do you charge?
  • Do you accept insurance?
  • Where did you receive your training?

  • Even if you are not particularly interested in the answer, it is a good idea to ask a few questions upfront.  This gives you a sense right away for your therapist.  A highly skilled therapist might not be a good match for you personality wise.  If this is someone you are going to hire to share your deepest struggles with, then you need to know you might feel comfortable with them before you get started.  Clients sometimes have difficulty discontinuing and then starting over with a new therapist once they have started to open up and share their story. 

    Even if you don't have a clue about psychology or theory it is a good question to ask.  A well grounded counselor should be able to answer this question easily and give you a sense of their approach.  There is a wide range of theory bases and they vary in how they approach a problem.  If you don't feel at ease with hypnosis for example and you start with a Therapist who relies on it in counseling, then you may not be compatible. 

    If you are looking for a faith based counselor then you may need to know what faith means to that therapist.  Does it mean that they went to church a few times growing up or does it mean that they live out their faith daily?  A good therapist-client match can be a real dynamic environment for positive growth and change.  Clients need to understand that they have a say in the relationship and they should feel free to ask such questions upfront.  You are in fact hiring someone to help you with your life.  Go ahead and ask. 

    A very brief summary of some common theory types (These descriptions barely scratch the surface):

    DBT (Linehan)-  Dialectical Behavioral Therapy is all the rage right now.  Insurance companies even reimburse for it (quite frankly a big deal considering their lack of support for mental health).  It is based on Eastern Religion practices of mindfulness/meditation practices.  If you are desiring to stick to a faith based therapy choose instead a Cognitive Behavioral, Person Centered, or Rational Emotive therapist who has an active faith.   Or make sure the DBT therapist has a strong faith and can point you back to faith principles while using DBT workbooks/exercises to improve insight.  I personally don't recommend a blending of the two. 

    Cognitive Therapy (Beck)- Based on the concept that how one thinks is reflected in how one feels and behaves.  If you address dysfunctional thought patterns than you modify feelings and behavior.   The goal is a "cognitive shift" in which misperceptions are discovered and moved to a more balanced position of function. 

    Behavioral Therapists (Pavlov, Skinner)-  The concept is that behavior needs to be changed first and then cognitions, and feelings will adapt.  Concepts of conditioning, social learning, behavior modification are predominant.  Understanding is not important. 

    Person Centered (Rogers)-
    Based on the concept that when a client is provided with an environment of acceptance a client will work toward "self-actualization" on their own.  The therapist provides unconditional positive regard while the client works out their issues of concern. 

    Rational Emotive (Ellis)- Addresses how our emotions are linked to our behaviors and linked to our thoughts.  Finds an Activating Event and analyzes how the thoughts and behaviors are connected to it, and then works to modify the thoughts (irrational beliefs) to modify reactions (Emotional Consequences). 

    Gestalt (Wolfgang von Goeth and others)- Therapist will engage in dialogue rather than focus client on a goal.  Purpose of the dialogue is to increase awareness.  Gestalt is understanding of the shape of an entities form.  Pictures and symbolism are used to capture the "Gestalt" or shape.  Clients are encouraged to do their own decision making.  Various therapy models may be used in the context of the therapeutic relationship.   Focus on the "here and now" or present awareness of present issues as opposed to lengthy analysis of the past. 

    Analytical Psychotherapy (Jung)- Focuses on the unconscious psyche and archetypes (i.e. the self, the persona, the shadow).  The goal is to become more conscious trough psychotherapy, dream analysis and a process of self knowledge. 

    EMDR- Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing (Shapiro)-  An 8 phase treatment based on information processing therapies.  Traumatic memories are paired with a series of eye movements (mimicking REM sleep patterns), and tapping (soothing movements).  The pairing has been found to produce diminished trauma symptoms and resolution of the memory.  It has been found to be effective for severe trauma including veterans with PTSD.  Select a therapist with demonstrated training in the method. 

    Psychoanalysis (Freud)- emphasis on analysis of the subconscious and dream interpretation.  Traditionally this is the one where clients lie on the couch and look away from the therapist while the client speaks.  Many of the concepts are still used in current theories but through different means.  Dream interpretation, and analysis of the unconscious and conscious states are common components.  Transference (the clients projected reaction to the therapist) and counter-transference (the therapists reaction to the client) are used to increase understanding.

    Transactional Analysis (Berne)- 
    Addresses three prevalent ego states in within each individual; Parent, Adult, Child.  The idea is that we function out of ego states and our response to life will reflect either a Parent, Adult, or Child ego state.  Ego states are considered patterns of feelings and experiences as related to behavior.  TA therapists use simple vocabulary and set up treatment goals for their client. 

    Adlerian (Adler)- Individual psychology is interpersonal in recognizing how we interact with others.  Emphasis on choices, family history and social interactions.  People are studied in the contact of social interactions.  The meanings we interpret from life will influence our behavior.  Emphasis on meanings and perceptions drawn from life. 

    Family Systems (Whitaker, Ackerman, Bowen, Minuchin)- Families typically come in with an "identified patient" (symptom bearer).  The goal of the family therapist is to modify the family relationships to attain harmony and balance so that the symptomatic behavior is alleviated.  The focus is not on the individual but on the system of the family.  Concepts of triangulation, double bind, marital schism and enmeshments are addressed. 


    Side note:  I always say you want to make sure you have a sane therapist, not a "psycho" therapist... Har har! 

    Why choosing a Licensed therapist is important:

    After moving to Colorado from Illinois where requirements for private practice are stringent I was shocked to learn that in Colorado you do not even need to have a degree to become an "Unlicensed Psychotherapist."  I personally find this appalling because it fails to protect the public from untrained therapists who have not had the training to learn the skills of the trade. 

    It also fails to protect the counselor from severe pathology.  Most clients are high functioning individuals who just want to improve their life.  Other clients can be incredibly manipulative and even dangerous.   I, myself, have been in life threatening situations. 

    Please select a therapist who is licensed.  This shows that they have dedicated a lot of time and effort to learning how to be effective at helping people.  Their skills have been tested and their knowledge base has been established through at least one, if not two, 4 hour examinations on counseling skills.  If you want a good therapist but cannot afford a licensed therapist choose a therapist who is working toward licensure.  They should have lower fees but are meeting weekly with a licensed therapist to help them with their cases and then are studying to take the examination. 

    What the letters mean:
     
    LPC-  Licensed Professional Counselor
    LCPC- Licensed Clinical Professional Counselor
    LMFT- Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist
    PsyD- Doctor of Psychology
    PhD- Doctor of Philosophy (Can be specifically in Psychology)
    CADC- Certified Addictions Counselor


    What theories do I adhere to?

    Well, first and foremost I feel the ultimate therapist is the Holy Spirit,  "But the counselor, the Holy Spirit, whom the Father will send in my name, will teach you all things and will remind you of everything I have said to you."  John 14:26  He is described often as a counselor.  I rely most on Him, and often as clients are sharing their problems I am praying inwardly at the same time asking, "show me how I can help this client."  He brings to mind what I need from my training and experience to help clients through their circumstances. 

    I feel it is unfortunate that some Christians (Authors, Pastors) are opposed to counseling.  I assume this is a result of bad experiences from inexperienced therapists, or therapists who rely heavily on secular philosophies rather than faith principles.  Again, that is why it is important to interview the therapist you are hiring to help you.  Pastors should meet with and interview any therapist they are considering using as a resource for them.  A good faith based counselor can really help support pastors who are very busy overseeing ministries.

    In my approach, I draw from a range of theoretical methods.  My graduate school training taught all of the afore mentioned methods.  However, I utilize Cognitive-Behavioral, Rational Emotive, and Person Centered Methods most frequently.  If it seems a present behavior is linked to a past experience or event I will spend time there exploring the connection to add insight.  I feel insight gives you the freedom to choose how you will proceed rather than just reacting automatically to life as it happens to you.  

    Dreams can also add insight and are often rich with symbolism that can be looked at to draw from the pre-conscious states.  However, I don't spend too much time on dreams because they can also be overemphasized.  An occasional peek into dream states can open up a fresh perspective. 

    An example of dream symbolism, is a frequent dream that I have.  When I step out of my comfort zone by accepting a challenge I often dream that I am standing on the edge of a cliff with my back pressed against the outer wall of a house (house offers comfort).  I'm usually on a small ledge and considering how I will proceed.  This reflects my fear and awareness that I am not in my comfort zone. 

    I also rely heavily on the concept of forgiveness.  What's the point of analyzing past hurts if you don't forgive those who have injured you.  Forgiveness releases you from the burden of bitterness and buried rage that finds its outlet in other unhealthy ways that can damage our relationships, "Refrain from anger and turn from wrath; do not fret-it only leads to evil."  (Psalm 38:8).  The lack of forgiveness brings about more hurt for more people.  Forgiveness is not tolerance of abusive or hurtful actions, firm boundaries may be important.  It is an acknowledgement that a wrong was done but a decision is made to forgive and let go of bitterness.



    I know that was a lot of information but I hope it is useful as you now are armed with a sense of what to ask your prospective therapist. 

    Best wishes to you in you personal journey toward health,

    Gretchen


    Resource:
    Current Psychotherapies, 4th Edition by Raymond Corsini and Danny Wedding;  F.E. Peacock publishers, Inc.  Illinois, copyright 1989. 

     

     

    by Gretchen Flores

    When Life Drains You: Adrenal Fatigue

    Do you find yourself wondering, "What happened to the days when I had tons of endless energy?" Do you drag yourself out of bed with no motivation for the day?
    Do you feel dread has replaced enthusiasm? Possibly you have adrenal fatigue.

    I developed an interest in adrenal fatigue when I completely ran out of steam.  After years of taking on too much and not getting enough sleep I finally crashed and couldn't rebound.  I wondered how I had rebounded so well in the past and why suddenly I wasn't able to any more.  I started researching.

    At first, my research was focused on how I could recover so I could start pushing myself hard again and be as productive as I used to be.  I soon realized that if I was going to recover, I needed to learn how to slow down and pace myself.  No more two and three hour sleep nights so I could do more than humanly possible.   No more taking on a full time job, a full time ministry, and saying yes to everyone who asked me to do something for them.  I was at the end of my rope and realized that if I kept up my insane pace I was in serious trouble. 

    Recognizing why I pushed myself so hard was critical.  What drove me to push myself so hard? What was I trying to prove? What would my identity be once I learned to say no? Would people still like me?  A good hard look inward is a critical part of the process.  Unless you figure those things out, it will not matter what you learn about recovery from adrenal fatigue.  You will certainly fall back into old habits. 

    What is Adrenal Fatigue Anyway?

    Adrenal fatigue is when you have drained your adrenal system of it's reserves and you no longer have adrenalin or other similar hormones to keep you going.  Your body does a pretty good job of regulating itself on it's own when we pace ourselves reasonably.  It's when we push our body past it's own capacities over and over again that they system becomes taxed. 

    If you push yourself past your limits of fatigue to accomplish more then your adrenals release powerful hormones such as cortisol and adrenaline; God given hormones to help us arise to a stressful situation if needed.  I'm glad for such a system in case I need to outrun a bear someday.  However, what research is showing is that modern day bombardments of work related stress and demands of an over-scheduled life tax our adrenals constantly.  It's like we are trying to out run a bear everyday.  As a result, a system that is supposed to help us out "in case of emergencies only" becomes a daily factor in our lives. 

    Eventually, the adrenals will announce "I've had enough" and will shut down.  To keep up with my commitments I used to function on two or three hours of sleep, and then I would crash by going to bed at 6:00 pm and sleep 12-14 hours and then start over again.  Each time I was able to rebound with new energy to press ahead, at least until I couldn't anymore. 

    Why are you reading this article?

    Possibly you are reading this because you too are tired beyond belief and you are wondering how you can possibly keep up with the demands.  Or, possibly you are wondering how you can continue to be be Superman or Wonder Woman and want to make sure nothing stops you.  Or, maybe you see yourself on the path to self destruction and you realize at some point you need to stop but you just don't know how. 
    Whatever your reasons are, I hope you learn something important to apply to your life to make it more fulfilling and not more demanding. 


    Tips For Keeping a Better Balance

    • Get enough sleep! Do not skimp on sleep.  When you do it forces your adrenals to produce more stress hormones to keep you going.  Eventually you will run out and a taxed adrenal system will leave you vulnerable to a variety of health problems.
    • Take vitamin C and eat foods rich in vitamin C.  This will help your body recover from stressful events or lifestyle habits that tax the adrenals by lowering oxidative damage.
    • Take a vitamin B complex to help you recover.  Your adrenals need vitamin B especially B3 (niacin), B5 (pantothenic acid), and B6 (pyridoxine) to function.
    • Eat a well balanced diet with whole grains, fish, legumes, meats, and veggies. Processed foods will not help your body recover.  In fact they will tear it down. 
    • If you feel a need to pump your body with caffeine take a nap instead.  Fatigue means you need sleep.  If you consistently push yourself past your limits, you will tax the adrenals causing greater and greater levels of fatigue later on.
    • Eat breakfast.  This helps stabilize your blood sugar and supplies your body with nutrition so it doesn't have to draw from stress hormones that can be toxic at higher levels.  Go for whole grains and protein for breakfast. 
    • Give up the notion that you have to accomplish it all perfectly. My dad once asked me how I manage to get blogs done with a family and a job.  My answer; if I get a blog out then I am probably behind on laundry (and a few other things).  It’s okay to prioritize.
    • Learn how to say “no.”  For some of us this is a frightening proposal.  Your need to please others and attain approval is so high you cannot fathom saying no.  Well, it’s time to learn.  Go ahead...practice.  Say it out loud several times.  Say “no” to yourself in the mirror.  Start saying no to people who ask you to do things.  Realize that the world doesn’t come to an end and you are still liked and appreciated. 
    • Honor your limits.  Learn to tune into your body and when you reach a threshold don't ignore it.  Take a break, put your head down on your desk and take a power nap, go home on time.  To honor your limits you need to tune into yourself and learn when you start to go beyond what is necessary. 
    • Prioritize.  If you need to take some things out of your busy lifestyle then do it.  Tell yourself you can fit in in later.  If you are adding things take other things out.  You cannot do it all at the same time.  Tame the over-achiever in you and slow down.
    • Keep fulfilling things in on your priority list. What fulfills you?  Time with friends? Family? Golf? Jogging?  Don't skimp on those....life is not just about being productive.  It is about having some fun too!


    Truthfully, if you learn these important skills then you will be more satisfied with the things that you do choose to do.  You will have more energy for your family and less dread when you head to the office.  I hope you can find some of this useful.   Depending on how far along your adrenal fatigue is it may take time to recover.  Start implementing a few things and don’t give up if you don’t see results immediately.  For me it took a good year to start to feel better.  Then, each year after that just got better. 

    Best wishes to you! 

    Gretchen


    great resources:

    http://www.adrenalfatigue.org   

    http://www.womentowomen.com/adrenalfatigue/default.aspx

    by Gretchen Flores